1). Which pattern (rigid complementarity, competitive symmetry, or submissive symmetry) do you think would be the most difficult to change? Why? Which would be the most damaging to a relationship? Which would be the most potentially damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals involved?
Speaking from my own experience, I would say that rigid complementarity pattern is the most difficult to change. I speak from experience when I say that it is so hard to change peoples roles in a relationship between two people if they have been established already. These roles are often even destructive useless and can be very hard on the people within and surrounding the relationship. The problem is that people get comfortable with a routine, even if this routine is not a healthy routine. People overlook a lot, or put up with a lot, because that is how they have gotten used to dealing with the other person. Even when people can recognize that the pattern might be unhealthy or may need some altering, it can become almost impossible to break the habits that have been formed. I would like to think that people are always aware of their roles in a given situation, but the rigid complementarity pattern often allows people to have a skewed image of themselves and the situation.
I can relate to your point about falling into patterns and routines in relationships because once you get comfortable somewhere it is hard to consciously make a change. Habits in relationships are very difficult to break because once you have become so comfortable with one person, you forget to step back and take an outsider’s perspective on things. As you said, we often times overlook problems in relationships because we don’t want to admit things aren’t working out. I can definitely relate to overlooking problems or ‘sweeping them under the rug’ pretending they don’t exist.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I can see how rigid complementary can become one of hardest cycles to break. Once a person has established most of the dominance in a relationship and the other simply puts up with it, the cycle can become hard to break, healthy or not. Even if the cycle eventually does stop, it can end up breaking the relationship up because people are so stuck in their norms. It was also interesting how you said people might have skewed images of themselves in a relationship. If this occurs, than the relationship can really become tattered. Especially if two people are not on the same page, this can cause for many misunderstandings.
ReplyDeleteI think you raise a good point that complementary patterns are difficult to change, because they allow each person to behave the way they want. Neither one may think that anything needs to be changed. However, rigid complementarity may cause the submissive partner to resent the dominant partner. In these cases, I think there are lots of examples where dominant partners can learn to back off and give the submissive partner more of a voice. Lessons like respecting others, taking turns, and sharing are pretty common in our society. I find submissive people harder to change. You need to get them to take entirely new actions, rather than just limiting some existing behavior.
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